So this thing happened…

I know I have been absent for awhile. To be honest, I didn’t think I was coming back. And then this thing happened.

On the 4th of February, 3 days before my 25th birthday, my mum died. Died still sounds like such a harsh word but I hate all the euphemisms. I hate passed away. I hate moved on. I especially hate is with god now.

I will not lie, it has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced. It was unexpected to say the least. She had a massive heart attack and no one even saw a glimpse of it coming. I felt like my chest was going to burst open and my heart would just fall to the floor and you know what? I didn’t even care. I didn’t care who I hurt, who I left behind, who would care that I was gone. I didn’t care one bit because all I wanted was my mum to be back.

I think about her everyday. Everyone says that don’t they? When someone dies, “Not a day goes by when I don’t think about them”. I never thought it was true, I always thought, there has to be one day when you don’t think about them. It’s true.

Today my head teacher asked me to take on more responsibility at school, to look at becoming second in charge in the faculty. The first thing I thought after hell no…was I gotta tell mum. Then I remembered. Mum isn’t here anymore.

People say it gets better.

People say.

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